Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Damn victory sex feels great
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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