THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
