he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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