i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
