did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
