every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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