I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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