Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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