lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Green mimosas i think yes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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