Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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