I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
