That's intense
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
