I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
