I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
