3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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