Got a toothbrush?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
