i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize