There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
