I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
