He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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