You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
