i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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