Hey man sorry I got all grabby
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
