Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
