a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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