I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
