How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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