He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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