She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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