My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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