I heard we made out
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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