you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had one of those small greek statue penises
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Vodka?
Forever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
