The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
