I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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