do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
