I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse