Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it