i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...