and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.