I want to make a zoo with you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
