I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
