I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.