That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.