I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion