Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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