He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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