I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
