you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
