I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
