the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
