Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love you. Go after that dick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
