just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
