Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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