The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
