Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
