no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
