Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
