My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
