I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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