Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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