You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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