he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
