my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I touched a dick in church today
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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