I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
