I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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