It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
