We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
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by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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