U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
