Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
