my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
