after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
