when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
