is your mom at the bar?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
