My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
