My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
