i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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